The teacher next to me who teaches the same Algebra class as I do had his students laughing and cheering during their review session. I just taught the same class and couldn’t make the game a go. My kids are not bad, they just did their homework, kind of paid attention, didn’t want to play a game. I don’t know how to orchastrate games. I don’t love games. My kids don’t seem to either, but of course I’m sure it’s just because I’m no good at leading them.
It makes me feel like I should go into some cold hard business job that doesn’t involve me jumping through hoops. Maybe I just don’t feel like I can make people laugh. I’m not one of those funny teachers who kids love. I think my kids are learning which is good but I don’t know.
My hyper dependent exchange student was mad saying “I asked you for help 10 minutes ago and you wouldn’t help me.” I’d already helped her a lot and I didn’t want to look through her problem to find the dropped negative or misadded number because she or her partner and perfectely capable of that. I responded that there are other people and that I asked her to ask a friend about it. I don’t know how to deal with these things gracefully. I just don’t get it still. I feel like I watch my colleauges interact with kids and that I can’t ever live up to them in terms of ability to interact. This is a relational school. It’s a school about relationships. The relationships with the kids are the most important part. Go to their games, to their plays, talk to them, befriend them, etc, etc. I’ve felt like a failure at these types of activities my entire life.
The only way I can think to rectify this is to make really awesome assignments and track student progress so that they feel really successful. Maybe the class isn’t fun, but it’s interesting and they know they are learning. My goal for the summer is to become a master of curriculum and make really awesome assignments.
Who knows if this will work. Today I feel like a failure and that I need to go somewhere else in life.