I got this in my inbox today: Would I want to give up some of the happiest days of my life so I wouldn’t have to experience the saddest?
No, I don’t think so. I can take in all the emotion and expand who I am and who I touch and what types of human experience I can comprehend.
Some of the saddest days in my life involved the steep learning curve of teaching math. But I gained so much for that pain. I see the world described in mathematics. I see the world described in emotions. I see the world described in Piagetian constructs. I can spread my mind open and my heart open. I can see the logistical challenges of a math teacher, I know the frustration of standing at a broken copy machine, I can know that simple solutions from a education researcher’s perspective are not necessarily simple when dumped into the constraints of a particular school environment. I feel the pain of believing in your own teaching and your own kids and coming up against failure.
I love my mom so much. She is my guide and inspiration in life. She will always be with me, just like my grandma is here now with her orange embroidered shirt and her princess ruby ring I wear today. But my mom will be taken brutally away, and I’m living that and seeing that. I’m seeing her pain and knowing that this can’t go on for years. It’s too much. I don’t want to see her to do that. This pain is going to stretch me, and I hope that when I fill back up I’ll have something to show for it.